JUST HANGING OUT!

Fellowship Without Agenda

Glenn on Fellowship

The problem with some in today's world is that they don't know how to relax, and to do so with a few friends. Many of us remain socially challenged because we rarely interact socially with others. The basic way to learn how is by taking the risk of just going for it!

I'll tell you a little secret that I'm sure isn't so much a sercret: the more insecure one is, the more they'll try to control a conversation, or just "have" to be THE person doing the moving, propelling the events in a gathering. To be sure, there are times it's a matter of leadership, or just somebody with a cool idea, but I've seen it in myself and I like it even less in me than when I notice others "trying too hard" to just hang out. It really is hard work to be the "life of the party". So quit trying! Learn to relax by relaxing, not by constantly moving and jerking people or situations around to suit you. There's no grace in that. Let Jesus or others be the center of attention.

Grace appears in rest, a very real grace in just being with a few friends, and in a larger crowd, a different kind of peace in that you don't have to carry the discussion or come up with what to do next. In fact, with real friendships you don't have to do much of anything, just be together.

One of my fondest memories of community living (which I've been blessed to share with many others here at JPUSA for some 30 years now) was in the days before Stu and Laurel Heiss and Wendi and I had our children. Don't get me wrong- all of us deeply love our kids, but in those days we had a bit more spare time, especially on our day off.

It was as simple as going one floor down to their room, knocking, and nearly every Monday (the typical JPUSA day off, and I suppose for many believers in ministry as few of us get much rest on Sundays!) the door would open to a pot of coffee. We were all dirt poor, but no matter how little money or space we had, we had each other, coffee and usually some cooking oil, popcorn and an electric skillet. And so we'd literally just sit, sip coffee, munch 'corn and hang out.

Stu and I toured the world together in Rez Band for decades and it was fun to just socialize some when we were off the road and had some time to do it.

I think many believers, even in leadership missions and ministry work, take too little time to just be with others of like mind on a purely friendship basis. We are all so convinced of our callings, giftings and the deep needs of so very many people- and we should be- that we often feel almost guilty about taking an hour or two of rest with our friends. That's not a good thing.

Fellowship happens on many different levels. Depth especially depends on how close you are with the person(s) in question. If you have little in common, and deeply disagree on points that to either of you are essential, especially to the Christian faith and walk, then perhaps it would be difficult to just relax and "shoot the breeze" with one another. It's important to take care lest you get into "deep water" and end up arguing rather than relaxing in fellowship.

On the other hand, visiting folks of like mind, having a chat, a walk in the park, playing a board game, cards, whatever, just sharing what God has been doing in your life of late- and I don't mean bragging of course!- can lead to nourishing relationships that not only help relieve the common stresses of life, but actually cause you to rejoice in little blessings of Christian fellowship that God wants you to experience.

Being together without agenda is a part of fellowship that can lead to real friendship- and I think I'm safe to say we all need more of it!

Posted 11/21/01